20110611
♥ Decisions.
I hate making decisions. And now I'm once again stuck between ACS and B&F and with one more day left to decide, I'm pretty much torn. This sucks. I hate how my parents are rather strict with me about everything else, and yet they give me close to 100% freedom when it comes to my studies. What secondary school to choose, which JC to go for, which university, what course, and the most pressing issue of all now... what specialisation.
I remember applying for all three universities before that, but rejected NUS and SMU scholarship and admission interviews because I do not want to be stuck in a position whereby for instance, I am given a space in NBS and yet a scholarship in SMU. So, do I go for money or what? And I remember the reason why I wanted to come into NBS so much was 1) Tourism. Then I changed my mind, it became 2) Marketing. After a horrible holiday job experience, I then decided on 3) Actuarial Science. And that was the reason why I had to take AB106, and had it pulling down my first sem's GPA and I actually never regretted it, because I wanted ACS, and if I want ACS, I need to take AB106.
But now, after one year with only ACS in mind, like at this very last minute (these few weeks), I've wavered and swayed towards B&F. Reason being I am afraid I cannot cope with the workload. Now, it is the question of interest V.S. capability. I think I've been pretty lucky all along. With my half-hearted attitude towards studies nowadays, I can say I'm pretty blessed for this semester that my last two weeks of mad chionging results in satisfactory grades (at least Degree Audit said so). And I definitely do have to understand that I am someone who develops interest in whatever I can excel in, and that my interest for something only continues if I prove to be able to excel in it. So, if ACS grades demoralizes me, I know I'm pretty much dead because it will only demotivate me further. Now, that is based on the assumption that ACS is easier to score rather than B&F. True or not?
I really wish I have a clear goal in mind, clear career path mapped out mentally already, and then I would have a direction to work towards. I would know where I want to be in, what I want to do, and it will all flow naturally and this blog post would not even be necessary as well.
But life is as much, and I have always been so indecisive. It isn't that bad actually, it gives me more option to ponder about, rather than people who striked off options from their list before even considering them.
However, what makes it so bad now is that ACS and B&F are pretty much competitive in the sense that a lot of people are going for B&F and although relatively little people go for ACS, the vacancies are little as well, so you know, low demand, low supply, it's also pretty bad. And since my stats grade > FM grade, I don't know if I will stand a lower chance if I put B&F first, and if I don't get in, it's quite hard to get into ACS with it being the second option and tada~ I'm dead, I don't want anything else, and I probably will drop my degree. But if I put ACS first, and you know ACS has pretty high requirements and my grades arent fantastic and if I don't get in, I don't think I can go into B&F because it's so so competitive, so once again, I don't get either too!
I think I will go for a run soon, hope that I can come to a decision when my mind is not as saturated!
I hate making decisions. And now I'm once again stuck between ACS and B&F and with one more day left to decide, I'm pretty much torn. This sucks. I hate how my parents are rather strict with me about everything else, and yet they give me close to 100% freedom when it comes to my studies. What secondary school to choose, which JC to go for, which university, what course, and the most pressing issue of all now... what specialisation.
I really wish I have a clear goal in mind, clear career path mapped out mentally already, and then I would have a direction to work towards. I would know where I want to be in, what I want to do, and it will all flow naturally and this blog post would not even be necessary as well.