20110119
♥ When you do nothing at all.
Four consecutive days of lazing around at home.
On saturday, I met up with Lissya and Saniah before Saniah flew back to the States. Mac breakfast followed by Island Cremery. 2 hours of chitchat was never enough to compensate for the few months of not seeing each other. But, this is better than nothing I guess. Especially when I haven't managed to meet up with Gwen.
On sunday, I guess my body finally decided that it's time for a rest after one week of two camps and another week of non-stop going out for every single day. Woke up with a really terrible sore throat on Sunday and I really couldn't swallow anything. Fever on Monday and Tuesday and it's still on and off. Cough and flu today, which explains why I've been at home for the past four days. It sucks being sick arghhhhh. Get well soon Lizhu! (:
Amidst everything, yesterday was the day of results' release. I honestly felt like it was receiving of Alevels results all over again, and this kind of anxiety was made worse because I didn't put in the same amount of effort as I had previously. When you know you didn't do your best, you start to worry, and you've no excuse to say that it's alright even if the results did not turn out well, because you jolly well know the amount of effort you've put in is negligible to others.
I used fever/not feeling well as an excuse to sleep before 12am on the day before results' release. While others camp at their computers trying to know their results, I was flipping around in bed, trying to fall asleep, trying not to think too much. Guilty conscience at work. Woke up at 9am the next day and continue drifting in and out of sleep, just refusing to get out of bed, because that means it's time to check my results.
I was caught in a dilemma. To check or not to check. What if I didn't reach my own expectations? Ahhh, but what if I do? (Time to party and have fun and celebrate.) But then again, WHAT IF I DON'T?! That possibility of not doing well seems to outweight that of me doing well. Having some internal struggle for a while before deciding to check my results.
Overall, it was okay. Wouldn't say I'm satisfied because one/two modules fell short of my expectations, and it's not just one grade's difference.
I still believe in striving high in the sense that if I aim for the moon and I fail to get it, I will still get the stars. I guess, this is just a start, and much more continuous effort is required for the following 7 semesters. Saying is easy, doing is not arghhhh.
有时候，现实的状况逼得我们必须向前进。很多人，很多事，都只好放弃。
