20100215
♥ We should be honest.
I think we should all be more honest with ourselves. I don't mean to say that everyone is lying. But what I want to say is that I think we are all making excuses and telling ourselves that all the excuses we've come up with is true. Because... there are all sorts of reasons luh.
Lying is hard. You've to come up with endless lies to cover up the first. Few days later, you might expose your own lie because you forgot that you lied about it and you leaked the secret out.
Yesterday was a new year, lunar new year. But it doesn't matter, it's still a new year. So maybe I will change. Maybe I should stop giving excuses.
I saw you online. But I didn't talk to you. Haha this sounds like some facebook group ah. Okay I admit that this isn't about face, pride and only part of the reason (a very small part) is what I've said previously - you doubt I treat our friendship seriously. It's mostly because I'm too afraid to talk. I just realised it today. I think I've been telling myself all those crap to make me believe it but it suddenly dawned on me that these few months that we didn't talk and when I wanted to talk to you again, I'm too scared to do so. A lot of whatifs, what if you really stop caring, what if that's really the end, what if you've already moved on, what if you still doubt that I treasure our friendship. Too many uncertainties.
But I really tried but I still can't bring myself to talk to you. Too many whatifs, and the reason is because you're of no less importance to me than Gwen, Lissya and clique. Maybe staying like this is better right. That's why I'm waiting for you to speak up first, because you can clear the air of all the doubts and the whatifs.
Anyway, I got this from Lissya's blog. Really emo but true I thought. Time doesn't erase anything. People erase things, people erase memories. How enlightening. We always say that time erases everything so we slowly waited for time to pass. Sometimes, after years, you can look back and realise nothing has changed at all. Because you are not willing to let it go. People determine what has to go, and what has to stay.
Oh, and I don't like CNY because I hate entertaining adults. I think I just cannot communicate with them. Thank gawd, CNY is almost over. But boohoos to end of break soon! ):
