20091230
♥ Reflection.
I shall do some reflections today and also new year resolutions because something's wrong with both the computer and the laptop and I'm afraid I cannot post it tomorrow.
(1) Everyone has been complaining how picky I am (not just jobs but also food and all sorts of things luh) so my new year resolution is to stop being picky.
(2) And of course treasure opportunities that are presented to me.
(3) Treasure my friends more. Like clique, dancers, and yeah those people luh. (you know i love you guys! :D )
Okay anything else? Oh what a short post. What else can I talk about? Have been lazing around at home. Yes I'm still unemployed but currently have an interview next week and two job recommendations so I think I should be able to get employed by next week hopefully. Jobs = income = meetup is hence made possible.
SO... Shiqi, Spins, Sharon, clique, dancers, RV bdiv girls, Sam dear, Hongjie, Aubrey, Zhangbei yupyup hope I don't miss out anyone. Yeah outings are possible soon (: WAIT PATIENTLY!
I hope in 2010,
- My life will be better, I will be happier etc etc.
- I get more pay from whichever job I'm working.
Yeah yeah that's about it. Happy 2010! :D
20091226
♥ -
暗恋一个人是件很美妙的事情。可以把他说的每一句话记在心里慢慢品味。可以为了一个不经意的眼神交会，一个不经意的笑容而欣喜莫名。如果... 只是单纯的暗恋，不舍求回报的话。
可是，人心通常是贪恋的，永远无法满足现状。一旦当暗恋不止是暗恋，还希望对方有所回应时，暗恋遍布在每秒，烦恼接踵而来。我会为了他和其他的女孩多说几句话而气闷，会为了他晚出现几分钟而心神不宁，情绪总在他不经意的举动中起起落落。我的心会犹如孤帆迷失在情感的汪洋中，不知所措找不到该去的方向。
- Adapted from some chi magazine I read in RV.
我只想再哭一下下
把记忆彻底的放下
等哭完我就会回家
眼泪我会替自己擦
我只想再哭一下下
假如你不反对的话
以后我不会在牵挂
可知我有多努力啊
只有这办法
才不再想他
- Adapted from Chi Song 一下下 (I think)
Anyway I love to read these kind of things, so inspirational. I really wonder how songwriters write out those awesome lyrics. And Eunice Lim, if you see this! Where is my post? ): Update your blog!
20091224
♥ BOREDOM.
And I really like it when I know that my friends are attached. SWEET! :D Heh recently I know of two new blossoming relationships. HAHA aww both people whom I know are awesome people so I hope they will stay as loving with their partners :D
Yeah I want to know about more couples haha! (:
/[added part above]
I'm really ultra super broke now. Why are jobs not coming to me?! I cannot support myself now nor find myself any entertainment. People are not online zzz.
I'm harrassing people with SMSes haha. Ultra bored. Oh and I might get a new phone this Saturday :P
Went grocery shopping with my mum yesterday. I hate grocery shopping. Pushing the trolley gets tiring after a while. I think I cannot make a good wife.
Am watching 'We got married' now. As in not now, but these few days. Nice recommendations Peisi :D Super hilarious, did make me less bored.
I am running out of storybooks to read, any recommendations? I love going to the library (I'm not a mugger!). And I always go alone. It's like some alone time with myself. And I would hide at a corner and read my own book. I think the library should have more comfy sofas but then again people will just fall asleep there.
Finally set a date with Aubrey. No matter how, I have to save up enough money to go out with her. She's going to go back to school and I'll not see her already! Have a few outings coming up, gosh broke. I need a rich boyfriend.
Anyway, random thought. I heard this when my brother was watching some taiwanese drama. 任何一个失败的恋情，都不应该让你觉得自己有问题。Okay something like that. Haha okay not very cool though, but it hit me quite strongly.
Random thought again. Things don't just pass by and go away. They stay, they constantly remind you that things have happened. Time cannot just erase away everything so easily. Trying may not be useful, but the effort is the only thing we can put in to make things work.
P.S. My dad bought a logcake home. This is so weird. It's the first time he bought a logcake. My family doesn't really celebrate Christmas what. Anyway, Merry Christmas :D
20091221
♥ Meetups and chalets and everything nice (:
Okay this feels like eons ago because I'm lazing at home every single day. But I'm going to talk about s21 chalet and psch 601/02 meetup! :D
Ohman chalet is too much to talk about. I shall just mention the highlights. The first highlight of the first day was playing slapjack and my finger scratched Ningxin's hand twice (and it started bleeding immediately.) I'm going to say this for the umpteenth time: SORRY IT ISN'T ON PURPOSE. So people stop using that to make me feel guilty ):
Then was midnight cycling! Tsk Lilin is so easily convinced by them. I was the last to be sitting there shaking my head but they all look like they're not changing their decisions so I had to stand up and follow them if not I will be left behind in the chalet room through the night ): Unwillingly tagged along. It was such a torturous journey haha and I don't think I cycled that fast during the previous night cycling. Worst still, at 5plus AM it started drizzling and 6plus AM the drizzle became a downpour. Pointless to stop because there was no shelter so since we will still be drenched if we stop, we continued cycling. But vision was so blurred and I was afraid that we will slip easily so we stop at the nearest shelter that we can find. (which took about 5mins for us to find it after the downpour) It was freezing cold and we were all wet to the max. When the rain sort of became a drizzle again we started cycling. And some dogs barked at us. Peisi told us to cycle slowly past and it worked! LUCKILY IT DID. I'm really so scared of dogs.
Along the way back, we were all drained of energy. Were pushing bikes up the slopes instead of cycling up haha. Passers-by and those on the bus (It was 7plus already and people are going to work) look at us like we were some crazy teenagers that purposely cycled in the rain. Honestly, it was fun but who in the right mind will purposely get so wet. I take back my words that I regret going midnight cycling. Looking back now, it was really fun haha. Though cold, though tired, though aching everywhere.
Am surprised that no one got ill even up till today haha. Bathed and then we went to Kbox :D Enjoyed singing there haha and we didn't want to leave. We were dancing on the sofa at the last few songs which got us quite high. Haha were guilty that we sang for an extra 15mins and dancing on people's sofa so we took a photo and quickly left after someone came in to tell us for the second time. Went to get food for BBQ and I collapsed and fell asleep till 5plus. Only had 2 hours of sleep! For someone who needs to sleep like me, that's very little. BBQ was as like any other BBQ luh. I must admit Junkai Szekiat and Xiaopeng were really pro at starting the fire. KUDOS TO THEM :D Mrs Poon came with Mr Poon as well as little Alger. Left after that 'cause class said they want to watch midnight movie but I am broke to the max.
Had psch class gathering on Friday. Response was alright luh, considering that it was difficult to gather people together after 6 whole years of little contact. No matter how great Facebook is, there are of course limitations. Wasn't as awkward as I expected it to be, was quite fun :D HAHA we should have more such meetups! But organised ones haha. And if I've money.
THINGS I URGENTLY NEED TO DO:
1. GET A JOB FOR GOODNESS SAKE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (this feels like Phuong haa)
2. Go out with AUBREY LEE before she goes back to school.
3. Go out with ZB before he enlists.
4. Meet with Shiqi and Sharon (before she scolds me for forgetting her) and Zpin (for CREPPE and WAFFLES :D)
5. Get my icecream treat from Hongjie and Sam!
Will continue adding to my to-do lists soon. But first up, let me get a job!
20091218
♥ Little things make a great day :D
I will divide my post today into two. Because there's too much to be condensed into one post. And people will complain that I'm writing essays again. Seriously, but I wonder who still goes around reading blogs now. But that wouldn't stop me from posting too.
Anyway Mum's nagging again about jobs. It's not as if I'm not looking hard enough or I've not applied enough (though I admit I'm picky about jobs) but rather they just don't call me up and I really can't do anything, can I? If I've their numbers I'd have rung them up immediately! And recruitment agencies will be my last resort. But seems like I've to use my last resort soon LOL because job hunting for slightly over half a month but not much progress. Oh yes and Mum nags at me for adding to the already high electricity bills. OH WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO!
Anyway, besides all these nagging, I'm enjoying my slacking around time and stuff. And I've received an EAGLES award :D (for outstanding achievement) It's 200 bucks okay. The last time I got it in P4 it was still 120bucks only. But it's not just the cash award, the fact that everything pays off feels good :D
And since the year is ending soon, let's round up my JC life (the CCA part). These 2 years, NJC Malay Dance has presented me with a lot of different opportunities in terms of leadership roles and performances. I'm really glad for all that happen, seriously. First, they give me a really loving and supportive FAMILY! They honed my skills to be an adaptable individual (yes vietnamese, scholars and IPs and malays too.) Next, they gave me lots of opportunities to dance, and to dance out my very best. Some things I learn in Malay Dance which I think I will never forget. Things like " When we go up on stage to dance, we must put up our very best." and "being different doesn't mean we can't be one."
The seniors were really supportive too, which explains how I can survive in a dance group which bears high expectations from everyone though I am totally inexperienced. My first ever major role also came - the EXCO of malay dance. Am so glad and touched by everyone's willingness to let me give it a try and learn and grow at the same time though I've absolutely no prior experience in it, and also the belief in me and the EXCO that we can do it. Sarong dance for CNY and CCA carnival were more different because it was only 4 dancers. Definitely more nerve-wrecking. I remember I was shaking while on stage but it didn't matter. I can't remember how I managed to survive the dance with sarong stuck on my head twice but I did it! (: SYF'09 said it all. Hard work does pay off! :DDDD
Subsequently, I passed down my duties and responsibilities to the next batch, Shairah and Ly. It wasn't an easy transition. It feels like so much have been taken away from me all of a sudden. EXCO outings and meetings did bond us together and I cannot help but recall how I first feel when I had the first EXCO meeting. Everyone was being so natural but I was so uneasy because no one feels familiar to me at all! But all in all, whether our batch is the best or not I don't know, but we've all put in our best for the dance group and I'm truly happy that I've this group of people that adds smiles to my face.
After the step-down, I thought, that's it. No, it's really not the end, but just the beginning. Beginning of all the recognitions of what I've done. Nominated for EAGLES Award (Outstanding Achievements) and receiving the letter that I've been awarded it is just simply awesome. Subsequenly, there was still nomination for College Day Awards and stuff. You know, during all those awards ceremonies and stuff, the actors actresses directors singers whatever not, they keep saying that they're honoured to be nominated already. I always thought it's so fake, obviously people would want to win the award right. I only truly understand how they feel now. Really, winning is just a bonus, being recognised for all your efforts is the best feeling.
Despite already stepping down, NJC Malay Dance has not cast me aside. I have gone back to practices and help out with makeup. Miss Khoo also gave her consent immediately when I told her how much I want to dance for the most recent performance and when I casually ask her if I could dance. Miss Khoo also asked if we want to go back to dance for Aristal next year. We still have lots of chances in front of us, just that we might not know how to make good use of them.
When I returned home from chalet late at night yesterday, another pleasant surprise sprang on me. Have received the Good Progress Award (250 bucks!). Being unable to get the Edusave Merit Bursary Award is a real disappointment (though I know my results aren't good) because I really had put in effort throughout this whole year. But getting the Good Progress Award did help to ease the disappointment. It's like another form of recognition that my efforts have paid off. Especially heartwarming to know that, because surviving through SYF'09 during the J2 heavy workload year is not easy. Definitely not easy with 4 practices each year, and each practice leaving us all drained of energy when we reach home at 9plus PM. And then there's the need to force ourselves awake just to complete the assignments (and I'm not even talking about revision or preparation ahead).
These little things does make a great day :D A total of 450 bucks from both awards did make me feel less broke, though I'm sure I won't be allowed to use them ): But all in all, really, it's just that feeling that efforts (whether in terms of studies or CCA) have been recognised. (Limited vocab how many times have I used this phrase.) Point is, that feeling is awesome! :DDD
Oh yes all outings are pushed back because I was too broke to go out.
20091216
♥ MORE FUN :D
Uhhuh I'm typing real fast now because I've to rush to pack for chalet! (: Yeah that means more fun! :D Have been going out last two weeks and have only started to slack a little this week. My expenses are all gone now. Really no money already! Except those I've set aside for chalet. (Which is not a lot too.) OMG the next few outings will depend on how nice my mum is, and how much she is willing to give me. (I bet it's not a lot too.) I think she'll kill me if I ask for 30 bucks (or more) from her every time I go out.
I hope a lot of people turns up! Everyone is starting to work and I don't know if they can take leave! And yes point is, everyone is starting to work. I was talking to Niang and Spins yesterday. Niang needs a job! I need one too luh. MONEY!!!!!!!!!! And at least I'll have more things to do. I'm really bored at home because (1) I've no money to go out. (2) I've lesser people to go out with.
ANYWAY, people go to Lissya's blog. ZZZ the residence suite which she stays in is so pretty. And big enough to accomodate another family (which is my family). My family hasn't even started planning for holidays! And I've no right to say anything because I'm not the one contributing (like I ever have money to). Anyway how can Auntie ever be so lucky to win those tickets to Phuket! I'm so jealous. When can I win one too?
Okay I really got to go pack my bag for chalet. I'm late! Will post after I'm back from chalet. YAY PICTURES AND CAMWHORING :D
20091213
♥ I face unemployment.
I'm jobless. Huifang and I were talking about it yesterday HAHA. HOWEVER, although I'm contributing to Singapore's unemployment rate, I am still increasing Singapore's GDP and hence national income by the multiplier effect because of my increase in Consumption (C), where AD= C + I + G + ( X - M ). And my C is an autonomous increase in C, because it is independent of income! Okay enough of Econs haha.
A01 outing/gathering/reunion yesterday was alright. It would have been better if I had started playing Wii earlier instead of stoning. Or if Nicholas Ang has more intellectual games in his house. (But some of them seem to have much fun playing Monopoly o.o ) Wii tennis is good because I win Samantha in so many games but somehow against Pinxuan, all my luck is gone! Maybe like what Huifang says, I wasn't at my fengshui position haha. Wii boxing is embarrassing after Sam Lim uploads my unglam photos up on FB. FB is awesome, everyone will see the photos soon! ):
Anyway I know there is a 601/02 class reunion outing! Come okay people. Haha how many times we can gather with our psch classmates after 6 years! And the guys are going into NS and tada~ ! Another two years of no gathering and stuff. So yeah, I hope I can make it. It's likely to be 18dec, 2pm. But because I had class chalet I will probably meet them for dinner or something.
AND I know I said I wanted all the meetups and stuff. Currently super broke. Aubrey's meetup has priority because that woman is going to start school soon (I hope she finished her hol hw alr!) and she'll not have time for me alr! ): Zhangbei's one will be next because ZB is enlisting on 6feb is it? And he has so many friends and won't have time for me already ): I still hasn't gone wakeboarding with him! Esp when it's because I'm super broke. The rest, endure with it kay? I will get a job soon (reduce frictional unemployment) and yeah I'll have money! (:
Can't wait for shopping sprees! :DD Anyone has job recommendations?
OH OH I was writing in my diary that day. The super pretty handwriting that I'm proud of is now real ugly. I can't hold my pen properly somehow. Too much slacking! Ok that's about it! BYE :D
It takes a lot of courage, too much for me to muster, to talk to you or even look at you. No eye contact nothing. More gatherings to come, we'll pretend we're fine. Pretence hides everything, and that little part of me that feels like crying everytime I see you.
20091210
♥ What a disgrace!
Buffet lunch with 4H guys is damn torturous. And they're such a disgrace man gosh haha. I can forgive Shengda since he's still a J1 (HAHA!) but come'on be mature luh the other guys. Going NS liao!
First they ordered a lot of food without looking properly what they want and stuff. (Ok and I'm sure the manager mixed up the order and gave us extra too.) Second, they tried all kinds of ways to make sure we don't waste food. Obviously they failed. Then they tried ways to hide up the wastage. OMGOSH I was so embarrassed with them. Anyway, had so much food and I'm still full now though meal ended 5 hours ago!
Okay waiting for Xinyue to upload the photos. I didn't even talk much because I was busy stuffing myself with food to even talk. Gosh what a meal! I'm sure I weight 1 kg more tmr. My dieting plan failed AGAIN.
And there'll be A01 outing, 07 batch badmt girls outing w coach rosy, s21 chalet and senior badmt outing which I try to organise w Wilfred but have yet to succeed. And I haven't had my ice-cream treat from Samantha and Hongjie. As well as lunch with Sharon. Going out with Aubrey and ZB and Chai and Cher. And stuff. All the outings with Clique. SUPER SUPER BROKE PLUS FAT NOW. I got to exercise.
Was watching the SEA Games just now. Wonder how people as young as 14 can have their minds set on winning medals and competing in SEA Games, like international (regional) level. While I am still here, slacking and playing. Wondering if life will be different if I hang on to things I really enjoy. Like swimming, would I have gotten my instructor cert by now? And whatever lots of things. Glad that I'm not giving up on Malay Dance and I must come back for Aristal next year!
Oh yes, I forgot what else to say but anyway, A01 outing seems to have good response! Oh oh I remember. First time I won money from gambling although it was a mere 40cents. Was on a winning streak okay and I challenged Kenneth okay! Wonder how Kenneth tells from the face whether people BAO or not. ZZZ one day I will play like Daoxuan and Shengda (If I have the money). HAHA
♥ Lots of meetups!
It's only like 10 days after A's officially ended but it seems like a long ago thing. I really cannot remember much about the mugging. Have been going out almost every single day since 30nov and spending money without thinking. Am currently running low in cash and still have a chalet and a few more outings coming up! OHNO.
And I realise, I have always been late since don't know when. And both my interviews, I was almost late! As such, I decided to be early or at least on time for any other upcoming outings. But was late again yesterday. Going by the time now, it seems like I'm likely to be late today too!
Prom was alright. Better than what I remember of sec 4 prom. The only part that wasn't nice was that I don't seem to know that many people so yeah not a lot of photos taken. The food from what I remember, was alright. I didn't eat a lot ): Cause was busy camwhoring! One of the biggest regrets of the night was because I didn't get to eat the things I wanted to eat! Can't remember much of post prom. But walking at night to the Helipad (though the place was real boring) was rather fun. Cabbing back wasn't that fun, walking back will be cool. But my legs are too tired from the heels I wore during prom to walk. Thank gawd didn't have aching legs and stuff. Fell asleep at 3plus 4 and missed out all the fun after that! ):
Yesterday was slacking around day. Had lunch at Pizza Hut with clique and shopped for a while. Bought my pretty umbrella but Peisi thinks differently from me. Next time I really should buy things that Peisi hates, because that's what I like a lot! :D Lilin is sad that she has the same taste as me, but don't worry, ours is the right taste! (:
Oh yes should have more slacking around day! There's still Zoo Day, Stephanie's makeover day, Science Centre Day and Maggie Mee Day. Yay Maggie Mee Day is gonna be held at my house. Finally! I don't need to go out of my house already.
Okay okay I'm late for outing! Bye :D Prom photos are on FB if you want to look at anything! :D
20091206
♥ Pre-prom.
(: It's prom tmr! I was initially not very excited about it but then haha, somehow the excitement came!
Tomorrow will be a busy day. From afternoon onwards and stuff. Actually will be busy painting nails from the morning and stuff. Gosh I still need to get my fake eyelashes! I really love wearing them, that feeling is so awesome! :D
And I seem to have caught a cold! Gosh no sore throat and no sneezing tmr okay! All the glamness will be gone once I start sneezing!
Must camwhore a lot a lot tmr! :DDDDD But looking at that pathetic number of people I know, I doubt I can take much photos. ):
Alright alright. More updates after prom okay!
20091204
♥ 放不下，该怎么继续走？
Yes, you're not wrong. Neither is Blogger spoilt. I'm blogging at 7:31am when everyone else is snoring away. Anyway I got to wake up earlier today at 8am and I just dreamt of something and I couldn't sleep anymore. So yeah.
Have you ever dreamt of the same dream before? I did, twice, thrice. It always started at the same place (as in time and venue) and ended at the same place. It's really a repeat, but sometimes, it's more detailed, sometimes it's more vague. No one can explain why dreams happen right? Today, I dreamt of the same person again. Different dreams, totally different dreams! But it's always about the same person.
Blog from here onwards will be in Chinese with a little bit of English once in a while. The reason why I came to blog was because I didn't want my mum to chance upon my diary and happen to read it. Sorry to those who don't understand Chinese. Don't bother using translator, the post is rather long.
放不下，该怎么继续走？我一直都在问我自己。看到别人有点情绪化时，我偶尔也会想到那些事。
今天又梦见他了。三个月以来的第三次。白天所想的事，夜里都会变成梦，是真的吗？那种很微妙的感觉，在梦里也感受到得很清楚。从来没有想过，好久好久的事还会一直纠缠着我。
有一首歌，它的歌词好有意义。“结束一段感情当然不像搬个家那么方便，太多细节太多碎片堆在回忆那间房间，但是忍耐一点不去碰它就不危险。”可是，有时候不小心触碰了一下，隐约的伤口就会痛了一会儿。
今天梦见了他。梦境真的好真实。那股席卷而来的情绪立刻缠绕着我。醒来时，发现枕头上有一滩泪。缩在那儿哭了挺久的。我也不知道最后那感觉怎么走了，可是真的好庆幸。三年了，不是都该抛到脑后了吗？留下的伤口有多深，痛就会留得多久吧。唯一值得一提的是，心并没有抽痛着，再深的伤至少还有个限度吧。
“哭过就好了，痛都会走的。记忆有限所以它会淘汰坏的。”真的吗？希望是。可是已经隔了这么久了，几时它才会消失呢？
Out of sight, out of mind. May be out of sight, but why isn't the person out of my mind! With the person popping up in my dreams every now and then, and the same scenario in reality replaying over and over again, how do I forget?
我也有试着过敞开胸怀面对一切。没有用！是啊，我都还放不下，我怎么可能能走下去呢？还有好长好长的一段时间哦，不可能为他而白白浪费掉。但是有些事，我就是挥之不去，能怎样？有没有人有什么办法！
有看命中的人应该听过这句话。戏里，中山龙大师曾经说过：“如果你忘不掉过去，那就干脆不要忘记了。埋在心底里，做为你人生故事的一部分。” 一直以来我都这样认为的。可是最近才发现，不能忘，我不能继续走啊！
如果这篇?文章?对你来说有种识曾相似的感觉，有可能我说的就是你。不要感到内疚或抱歉。我心里的包袱，我自己会拿下来。有时不是做不到，而是潜意识地不想放弃。不要避开我，之后我们依然是朋友。
End of long post. A moment of emo-ness ha. Sometimes, we do feel it too, no matter how cheerful a person can get. Okay that's it. Bye!
P.S. : I feel so much better posting this out!
20091203
♥ Back to those days.
Those days when I just get concerned over dance stuff and dance stuff only. Those days when I do makeup for others and waited to have makeup done for me. Those days of laughing around, camwhoring, shopping. They're back! Yay : D
It hasn't been easy going through the whole A's of course. And I don't know why I am still talking about it now. I've been going through A's quite emotionlessly. Really! No stress, no excitement nothing! Yeah just liberation from all the mugging. Feeling freedom after the papers. I was quite intimidated by the large group of people I see shopping around me yesterday. Haha, too much mugging.
Oh yeah good news. I got called down for a bank teller interview yay! : D Whether I get the job or not, I really don't know. But same thing for any other interviews coming up, I will do my best! That's kind of enough right. I mean, anything else is beyond my control. Wish me luck people!
And... Miss Khoo asks yesterday : " Do you all want to come back to dance for Aristal next year? " OF COURSE I WANT TO! But... bank tellers must work on Saturdays right? Let's see how things go. For all you know, I can't even get the job. But I will try my best to luh. One of my dream jobs (at least for now).
Wanted to post some really inspirational paragraph here but all inspirations are lost. All of a sudden. Hah. Anyway, that's it! Gotta prepare to go shopping :D
